Monthly Archives: June 2012

Who?

Getty

Rafa probably doesn’t know either.

I’m sad.  GO MURRAY!

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RIP: Nora Ephron and AOL screen names

As we’ve all heard by now, Nora Ephron passed away.  I’m not going to pretend that I’m a huge Nora Ephron superfan, but I do have a special place in my heart for You’ve Got Mail, which immortalized the chemistry of Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan forever.

I love this scene because I want to eat what they are eating (calamari?), and I’m fascinated that Joe Fox was able to secure “NY152” on AOL and — even more unbelievably — Kathleen Kelly is “Shopgirl.”  Just “Shopgirl,” sans numerals.

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The Bachelorette S08 E04: Ryan is still an ass

ABC

(Oh, an image of Emily… not as a trophy?)

First of all, does every episode have to start with an image of ducks?

Alejandro and Travis finally speak

We’re a few episodes into the season, so we can finally identify nearly all of the main players, but it’s always interesting to see how the previously under-the-radar guys are edited into the action.  Alejandro, for instance, is worried that needs to make more of a presence, and Travis the Egg Guy is concerned about being on a date.  These guys will obviously be called last, if they are called at all, in the rose ceremony.

They finally go to the beach

Emily – who starts off by saying, “We’re in Bermuda and I am loving it (who wouldn’t?) – lets us know that her daughter is also on the trip and that she’s thrilled that Ricki will be with her “every step of the way.”  Does this mean that she’s bringing along Ricki to the fantasy suites at the end?

Single Dad Doug seems perfect, ergo he has secrets

Doug gets the first one-on-one date of the episode, so the two single parents walk around Bermuda.  Emily says, “I don’t think there’s anybody else I’d rather spend the day with than Doug,” but she says this for basically every activity with whichever suitor she happens to be on a date with.  They write a postcard for Doug’s son Austin and walk underneath a “moon gate” (which seems suspiciously like the “love clock” in Episode 2).

Emily thinks that he always says the perfect thing, like Brad!  (Doug, however, unlike Brad, seems to have a semblance of a brain.)  She wonders if Doug is that perfect.  (I don’t know Doug but… no.  No, he’s not perfect.)  Doug wants to kiss her, but he moves slow and never makes the first move, which perplexes an unkissed Emily.

Group date is one big pissing contest

For the group date, the guys are divided into two teams:  Jef, Kalon, Ryan, and Arie are on the yellow team, and Chris, Charlite, Nate, and Sean are on the red team.  (If you’re keeping track, Nate [who?], John, Alejandro, and Michael are at home.)  The yellow team wins, so they get to hang out with Emily, and Ryan calls her a “beautiful trophy possible wife.”  Good idea.  They all creepily get campfire time with her, and as Chris said, “There’s definitely going to be some touching tonight.”

Arie kisses Emily, Jef does not, but fucking RYAN says some weird shit like, “She’s been given a lot of responsibility as the Bachelorette” (is she Spider-Man?) and “God designed you to be a beautiful woman” (does God design some women not to be beautiful?).  He also claims to be praying to use this opportunity to impact tons of people (the fuck?) and slut-shames Emily for kissing Arie.  In an surprisingly astute moment, Emily says that there’s a double-standard since Bachelors never take heat for kissing all the women.  Later, she gives the rose to a shocked Jef, who says, “I feel like I’m beginning to fall for Emily.”  At least he hasn’t been pretending this entire time.

Two-on-one date is the “worst date of [Emily’s] life”

Oh goody, Emily, John, and Nate are in bathing suits now!  After jumping off a cliff – an act that John calls the “jumping-off point” – the three of them (and Emily’s breasts) have dinner in a cave.  Nate starts talking about his family and friends and keeps using the word “amazing.”  Emily pats his arm and clearly feels nothing.  She gives John the rose and tells Nate that she doesn’t see them together forever.  I don’t think Emily feels this way about John either, but I guess he’s the lesser of two evils.

The rose ceremony, where Ryan continues to be gross and Chris Harrison comments on the guys that Emily kisses

The night of the rose ceremony, Ryan thinks he’s flirting or something, and the guys encourage Arie to interrupt them so they don’t have to do it themselves.  Emily looks supremely uncomfortable, and luckily Arie interrupts.  Ryan is talking with Michael (who?) and telling him that he’s called to something “bigger” than Emily.  He’s involved with the media back home (the fuck?) and is already envisioning himself as the next Bachelor.  Ew.

Later, Emily tells Sean that he looked “super hot” on the boat.  He asks about how Ricki would feel about her getting married, and since they have nothing else to say, he kisses her.

Elsewhere, Chris says that he doesn’t need to kiss Emily to be on the same level as the other guys.  Ryan insists that he doesn’t build a relationship based on the physical – omg, are they COMMISERATING?  I thought Chris was semi-okay, but relating to Ryan on any level is a no-no.  Chris tells Emily that he’s ready for marriage and fatherhood (REALLY?) before confronting Doug about why Doug thinks he’s the better man.  Doug, who seems kind of normal, says that Chris is being immature and insecure.

In what is kind of a disturbing scene, Chris Harrison points out that Emily gave a group-date rose twice to Jef although she’s never kissed him.  He also points out that she “can’t stop kissing” Arie.  WHY DO YOU SAY THIS, Chris Harrison?  Gross.

He asks Emily about Alejandro, who Emily isn’t sure is ready to be a dad.  She also says that she’s unto Ryan’s manipulation.  SO GET RID OF HIM.

So John, Jef, and Doug are safe.  Emily repeats that she’s not taking this lightly, and she calls out Sean, Arie, Travis, Chris, Ryan (sigh), Kalon… and Alejandro.  Which means that Charlie and Michael (who?) are out.  Michael has never been in love before and says that he hopes he falls in love before crying.

Previews!  They’re going to London (like the Real Housewives of NYC), and Emily dances with Ryan.  FANTASTIC.

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Who’s Johanna Mason, Brainless?!

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Yesterday, EW.com reported that Jena Malone is in the running for Johanna Mason in Hunger Games sequel Catching Fire.  (EW had also nixed a previous report that Mia Wasikowska is a contender.)

I’m not really sure how I feel about this.  Jena Malone seems like an okay actress (I mean, British people cast her as one of the Bennett daughters over one of their own in Pride and Prejudice… BRITISH PEOPLE!), but she was most recently in Sucker Punch (“An amazing spectacle of bullshit!” — Mike Ryan, Vanity Fair) and The Ruins (which was ABYSMAL but in a so-terrible-it’s-amusing sort of way when I caught it on cable a few years ago).

Still, Jena is probably a better choice over Kristen Bell, whose very public campaign to play Johanna has bordered on kind of sad and desperate (not to mention her obvious pride that she once REREAD a book).

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RIP: Oh, the buckle is functional!

Sam Edelman

Oh hey.  Those cute little buckles on my Sam Edelman sandals aren’t just decorative.  They actually have a function.  Because when you’re too lazy to properly put on your shoes, the elastic will eventually stretch, break, and render your shoes useless… forcing you to go home in your friend’s flip-flops that she doesn’t wear since they cause blisters on top of being aesthetically questionable.

I bought these Gigi sandals in June 2010, so at least I got two full years’ (summers?) worth of wear (but I could have gotten more if I hadn’t been so careless!).  Dammit.  They are were actually super comfortable and I could easily walk around all day in the city in them.  RIP.

Moral of the day:  Put on your shoes properly so you don’t wind up sandal-less and blistered.

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Taken 2: Brian’s back!

For years, this was only an urban legend… an unsourced piece of information on Wikipedia.  Today, all that has changed:

It’s the trailer to Taken 2, y’all!

I’d heard rumors about Liam Neeson signing to do a sequel to the massively successful Taken (2008), but I had no idea how this could be true.  I mean, would Kimmy get Taken again?  Would Brian get Taken, leaving Kimmy to hunt down her old man?  (Frankly, from what we’ve seen in the first movie, she ain’t so bright.)

Looks like Jean Grey Kim’s mom gets Taken this time.  (Did the parents get back together after the events of the first film?  Looks like it.)  But why did they decide to go to Istanbul?  Apparently, one of the things that are lacking in Brian’s particular set of skills is the realization that ever returning to Europe is one TERRIBLE idea.

But who cares?  I love Taken and watched the whole thing in German while in a Seville hotel room this past Christmas Eve ’cause I love it so much (I don’t speak German).  It confirms all my paranoia about letting down my guard!  And I’m hoping that the sequel does the same.  October 5 can’t come soon enough!

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McDonald’s iced coffee: An insult to the bean

McDonald’s

Hands down, one of my favorite summer treats (especially on hot days like today — 97 degrees!) is a refreshing iced coffee.  They’re cold, caffeinated, and typically no more than $3.  (Yeah, I know, I can make these at home for a fraction of the price, but this is my blog, not The Simple Dollar.)

Since I’m still funemployed (although the situation is getting less and less cute by the day), my biggest dilemma is to decide where to get my daily fix:  McDonald’s?  Starbucks?  Dunkin?  A mom-and-pop joint?

Today, I decided to go to McDonald’s since I was feeling especially lazy and didn’t want to add any milk or sweetener myself.  Unlike most places who serve you the beverage black, McDonald’s just gives you their own concoction without your input.  And I secretly always liked their formula a lot.

But today, I realized something.  First of all, look at the above image.  McDonald’s iced coffee never comes in that color.  It ALWAYS looks more like this:

As I sipped my drink, I finally allowed myself to acknowledge what I’ve always ignored:  McDonald’s iced coffee is actually just a tan-hued sugar milk.  Have you ever seen an employee prepare an iced coffee there?  They pump this clear-colored sugar syrup into the cup.  I witnessed this a few years ago but have tried to erase the memory from my head.  It’s kind of ironic that I ever thought I liked McDonald’s “iced coffee” since at any other establishment, I refuse to add any more than one packet of Splenda.  I guess when you have to add it yourself, you can’t ignore the calories, but when it comes prepared for you, you can absolve yourself of any responsibility.

And maybe my taste buds adapted overnight, but I really can’t stomach anything this sweet anymore.  I imagine that McDonald’s iced coffee is basically a caffeine-filled version of the sleep syrup that exists in Panem.

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Melissa Joan Hart: sitcom star and memoirist

Nickelodeon

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Melissa Joan Hart just signed a deal with St. Martin’s Press to publish a memoir entitled Melissa Explains It All:  Tales from My Abnormally Normal Life in 2013.

Honestly, what is up with the barrage of memoirs from all of these young people?  Right now, there is a ton of pre-Olympics publicity for Dominique Moceanu’s memoir (she’s 30), I’m currently reading Rafael Nadal John Carlin’s Rafa (published last year and predictably not that great), and now this?  These things are supposed to be released after a lifetime of retrospection!  A memoir from someone like Gabriel García Márquez is, like, actually a memoir.

Anyway.  I wonder how Macfadden Publications, the company that published Teen Beat, feels about the title.  I used to religiously read “Melissa Explains It All,” Melissa Joan Hart’s post-Clarissa, pre-Sabrina advice column, in my favorite monthly celeb glossy.  Personally, I would confuse this upcoming book with her mid-1990’s advice column!

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Golfer Ivan Lendl seeks to improve his game

The New York Times

This Sunday’s New York Times Magazine has a great feature on former No. 1 Ivan Lendl, who is currently serving as Andy Murray’s coach.  With Wimbledon coming up, I suppose it’s unsurprising that there would be Murray-related features, especially since the media loves to remind everyone that the last British man to win there was Fred Perry in 1936.

Peter de Jonge, who followed around the duo — and of course Andy’s mother Judy — for the past few months, notes:  Murray’s deepest ambition… is not to be filthy rich but to win majors and earn a place in tennis history.

Unfortunately, I don’t exactly see the latter happening, considering that his coach, who retired nearly two decades ago, is the subject of substantial profiles in the Times Magazine and not Andy himself.

(And yes, that is Andy on the green mat doing his downward dog!)

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Rafa is Spain’s Olympic flag bearer

Reuters

Hooray for Rafa!  He was just announced as Spain’s flag bearer in the Olympics.

Rafa had a fantastic 2008, the year of his first Wimbledon championship and the Olympic gold!  As he adorably wished for the Spanish Olympic team on his Facebook page, “best of lucks” to Rafa!

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