Monthly Archives: December 2013

The Wolf of Wall Street: Boobs and blow

Paramount

Paramount

On this horribly rainy day, I hauled my butt out to Kips Bay (kind of the halfway point between me and my Brooklyn-residing friend that wasn’t 34th or 42nd) to watch The Wolf of Wall Street, based on Gordon Gekko–worshipping Jordan Belfort, but more importantly to use up one of my many AMC vouchers that I purchased over a year ago.

I wasn’t overly excited because I had just found out that the film is three hours long (like, actually 179 minutes), plus someone had told me last night that it opens with Leonardo DiCaprio snorting coke off a prostitute’s posterior while he did her from behind, which wound up being false. (It was actually like the fourth or fifth image, not the first.)

But the movie was just nominated for two Golden Globes (total arbiter of quality) so you know, why the hell not? Anyway, here were my takeaways…

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The Bachelor: Juan Pablo

ABC

ABC

So as I’m watching (the ONLY worthy version of) The Sound of Music on ABC, I’m seeing what I think are some of the first promos for The Bachelor, which premieres Sunday, January 5.

Oh wait, my apologies. According to ABC, the season premiere of this inexplicably popular show will air on Juan-uary 5.

Juan-uary. JUAN-uary. (This isn’t a thing! It’s not a real pun!)

Sigh. Unfortunately, I know what I will be doing that night at 8 pm. If only to see what garbage the Bachelor producers come up with next. Meanwhile, check out Juan Pablo’s idea of “the ultimate date”:

Having a special lunch with the love of my life on a tepui (a mountainous plateau) in Canaima [National Park in Venezuela]. Flying on a helicopter around the jungle and stopping to eat on top of a tepui.

Guess I’ll have to tune in to see if there’ll be any helicopter-centered dates this season. I’m on the edge of my seat.

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New York Philharmonic: Handel’s Messiah

The New York Times

The New York Times

Tonight, Nicole and I headed over to Avery Fisher Hall to see the New York Philharmonic present Handel’s Messiah.

It was a beautiful evening of classical music. The women were decked out in evening gowns. The men looked dashing in tuxedos. Poinsettias decorated the stage, and my dear friend and I listened to a gorgeous oratorio that has been delighting audiences for over two-and-a-half centuries (not to mention 135 years by the symphony orchestra that we had the privilege of watching tonight).

Of course, the highlight of the performance came approximately 30 minutes into the production when—for some reason—latecomers were admitted, causing confusion onstage (the mezzo-soprano stood up to sing but sat back down before uttering a single note) and in the audience, including one woman in the orchestra seats who was grumbling audibly enough for us to hear in our third-tier nosebleeds. She started with “Terrible!” and “They let them in?” and finished with a cranky “APOLOGIZE TO THE ORCHESTRA!” that reverberated throughout the entire hall and resulted in clapping: Whether it was applause for those words (though she sort of made a fool out of herself) or simply encouragement for the orchestra to continue, I can’t really say.

Crotchety old people are hilarious.

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Family Guy: Never mind

Fox

Fox

Yeah, so that major plot thing that happened a few weeks ago?

Lack of a time machine isn’t an issue when you encounter your past self time-traveling to the present (future?). Kind of like that final scene in The Time Traveler’s Wife, I guess.

Whatever, I’m happy. Duped but happy.

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Golden Globe Awards 2014: Nominations!

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Nominations for the Golden Globes (a joke of an awards show that somehow has become one of the only watchable ceremonies of the awards season) were announced this morning. Here are some thoughts:

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