This is how I feel when I watch The Bachelor.
I hate myself.
Why am I watching this?
I could be reading a book right now.
I’m stupider for having watched this. Here are my awards of the night.
Most Illogical Argument: Clare, 32, for happily informing us, “I’m part Mexican!”
Clare, please explain why your being part Mexican has anything to do with anything. Enlighten me what Mexico, a country in North America, has to do with your participation in this reality show that features a U.S.-born gentleman who was raised on an entirely different continent than any nation you claim.
Not Even Pretending to Be Employed: Kelly, 27
Unlike the “science educator” (what the…?) or “hairstylist,” Kelly proudly told the Bachelor producers that she was a “dog lover,” a tag that will follow her through her entire duration on the show. Be you, Kelly. Be you.
Runner-up: Lucy the “free spirit.”
Creepy Father Issues, Brought the Cray, Old Enough to Know Better: Clare
Admitted that she’s “looking for a man who’s just like my dad” (who before his death made a DVD for her future husband), walked out of a limo with a fake pregnant belly (I don’t think we ever got an explanation?), 32 years old (a full 11 years older than the NBA dancer).
From the previews, it looks like they’re spending at least some time in Korea during this season. I can’t wait for the looks on these women’s faces when Chris Harrison drops THAT bomb and crushes any dreams of Paris or Rome.