Category Archives: Film

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes: Lingering questions

I don't believe that a horse could actually support Maurice's weight. (Fox)

Poor horsey went from being dominated by one primate to another. (Fox)

Tonight, after spending six hours at a BBQ place, I went to go pay $19.50 to watch my most anticipated movie of 2014: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. (I’ve been dreaming of this day since seeing Rise of the Planet of the Apes with my cousin at the way-too-quaint Marquis Theatre in Middlebury, Vermont, three years ago.) I suppose I could have saved five bucks by waiting 45 minutes for a non-RPX screening, but I have lost all ability to kill time.

(By the way, If you’re interested in hearing me wax poetic about the glorious Labor Day weekend in 1998 when AMC was marathoning all five original Planet of the Apes films [including the Roddy McDowell–hosted documentary Behind the Planet of the Apes], JUST ASK.)

Meanwhile, here are some lingering questions I have from Dawn of the Planet of the Apes…

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Noah: Six things I didn’t learn in Sunday school

18.50 in American dollars!

18.50 American dollars!

This afternoon, I contributed to the $45 million that Darren Aronofsky’s Noah, his follow-up to the Oscar-winning Black Swan, made at the box office.

Here is the knowledge that my money bought me. (No spoiler alert because…the Bible. And if you’re of the Judeo-Christian persuasion, because you’re reading this. And if you’re a typical moviegoer, because this film was absurd and you probably shouldn’t watch it.)

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The Wolf of Wall Street: Boobs and blow

Paramount

Paramount

On this horribly rainy day, I hauled my butt out to Kips Bay (kind of the halfway point between me and my Brooklyn-residing friend that wasn’t 34th or 42nd) to watch The Wolf of Wall Street, based on Gordon Gekko–worshipping Jordan Belfort, but more importantly to use up one of my many AMC vouchers that I purchased over a year ago.

I wasn’t overly excited because I had just found out that the film is three hours long (like, actually 179 minutes), plus someone had told me last night that it opens with Leonardo DiCaprio snorting coke off a prostitute’s posterior while he did her from behind, which wound up being false. (It was actually like the fourth or fifth image, not the first.)

But the movie was just nominated for two Golden Globes (total arbiter of quality) so you know, why the hell not? Anyway, here were my takeaways…

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Golden Globe Awards 2014: Nominations!

Image

Nominations for the Golden Globes (a joke of an awards show that somehow has become one of the only watchable ceremonies of the awards season) were announced this morning. Here are some thoughts:

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The Hunger Games: Catching Fire [Spoilers, duh]

Lionsgate

Lionsgate

I watched The Hunger Games: Catching Fire this morning. By myself.

And it was awesome.

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Les Misérables: Yes, please

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Last week, I attended a screening of Les Misérables at the Paris (how appropriate).  As my fellow attendee James put it, “The gays are out!”

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Taken 2: Hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ wife

20th Century Fox

I am proud to have contributed to Taken 2‘s $50 million weekend total.  I’ve been waiting for this sequel ever since I saw the original in February 2009 when I went to the movies and thought, “Why haven’t I heard of this Liam Neeson movie before?”  And sure, when I heard that a sequel was being made, I scoffed, What would the story even be… They get taken again?  Alas, they did, and for a measly $13, I was highly entertained.

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Busy week: My favorite things!

Last night, I attended the U.S. Open, courtesy of Nicole who was actually successful in procuring tickets at a reasonable price (an increasingly difficult task, thanks to scalpers).

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Live! with Kelly… and some guy

Getty

It’s still unofficial, but Kelly Ripa’s new Live! co-host will reportedly be former New York Giant Michael Strahan.

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Partysaurus Rex: New “Toy Story” short!

Pixar

Those evil geniuses at Pixar.  With the announcement that their new Toy Story short Partysaurus Rex will accompany next month’s release of Finding Nemo 3D, they’ve all but guaranteed $20 of my money on September 14.

REX IS WEARING A TUTU!  Or a scrunchie.  I don’t know but it’s already the cutest thing I’ve seen all day.

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